talk about a rollercoast

holy moly. the last few weeks [and the next few weeks] have been [will be] nuts. two weeks ago i had a big paper about alternative energy due. this week's big focus was finishing my honors project, which i successfully presented saturday morning! hooray! i did a comparative study on the Mignon lieder, which are songs inspired by some of Goethe's famous poetry. pretty interesting stuff, actually, and now all i have to do is write the big paper to accompany it, but i've already done most of my research.

this coming weekend is Hansel and Gretel, in which i play Hansel [it's a pants role]. incidentally, if you're in the rochester area this weekend, come on out! leave comments for info.

oy. this weekend was a blur. honors project yesterday morning [after 5 hours' sleep], market/bank run, bridal shower, quick nap, shower, voice lesson, orchestra concert, liquor store run for yummy wine, tim's band's show downtown, over to a friend's for chill time. today was a full day of chorale 'fun' after only 4 hours' sleep. mercifully we had a 2-hour bus ride each way that i used to its full sleeping potential. then i had rehearsal tonight, chatted a while with pea, and here i am. someone put my laundry in the drier for me; it was very nice of them.

on my heart's front, things are ok. i am remembering all the good things about being single [it's not like i was away from it for all that long]. Jesus and i had a really good chat last weekend when i was really upset it all. He reminded me that He wants to be where i thought chris should be--as that one, stable thing in my life. i do miss him though. sometimes it's frustrating because he is pretty sucky at being my friend, and he was all for being good friends and blah blah blah. sometimes i can't help just staring at him, which is probably not a good thing, but whatever. i don't know. i'm trying to let it go; i don't know why it's so hard.

i could probably write about 8 more pages about myself [because we all love talking about ourselves], but i really need to go to sleep. i haven't been sleeping nearly enough. goodnight!

it's a crazy world

indeed.

it's already february. [how did that happen!?] my first audition is this friday, at eastman, and then it's successive stressing out every 3 or so days for the next 2 weeks. and then it will be over. the relief is almost palpable. luckily, my voice teacher and i have been making some real progress lately, which unfortunately means reworking a lot of things, but is totally worth it in the process. she is pushing me harder than i sometimes like, but i need it and boy, is it paying off. this is exciting stuff. [you can take my word for it.]

this weekend was less than relaxing; though i did have a little time to just chill out, i generally did not get enough sleep and was running around trying to get everything done. however, i did have a really great time watching the superbowl with a good friend [whose poor heart was crushed at the outcome] at rit with a bunch of nerdy [but really nice!] boys [who, coincidentally, almost all had really terrible haircuts. just an observation]. there were about 20 people there, and i single-handedly made up half the female population. represent.

i've also started 'tumbling.' i think i am not going to post the link [at least right now], so i can keep things tidy and separated [plus also write whatever dumb thing pops in my heads over there!]. and now i must go study mozart before i fall asleep. goodnight, dear reader[s].

i'll sleep when i'm dead

same goes for blogging at the moment.





after this week...i can breathe. and just wait.

my oh my

i've been so busy lately i can barely think, which makes blogging next to impossible.

things i like/appreciate right now:
opera
dressing up
feeling like i look nice
dancing
baking therapy
needing to buy new, smaller pants
sweet potato pie
the homestead and the peace i feel there
prayer
french
productive voice lessons
the light at the end of the tunnel

things i do not like/appreciate right now:
extraneous responsibilities
working every second
not sleeping enough
poor time-management skills
deadlines
the fact that i'm the only one here who seems to know how to clean a bathroom
feeling like i don't have enough time to possibly get everything done

it will soon lift. the good outweighs the bad, always. sempre. toujours.

goodnight.

it's go-time

it's only wednesday [oh, i guess now it's thursday technically], and it feels like it should already be the middle of next week this week is dragging so. december 1st is looming closer and closer, and grad school applications have started to make me cry on a regular basis. it became clear in the last few days that i have a little less than a month to: learn at least 3 new, huge pieces; perfect them and the other rep i've been working on; and record all this to send out to my prospective schools by december 1st. in addition to the actual application-filling-out, document-gathering, and essay-writing that accompanies a normal application process.

tonight i punched grad school in the face 1,000 times and learned 2 of the arias. now to memorize them. it also has recently occured to me that i need to start working my freaking butt off. it's go-time now. no more "later" or "i don't feel like it." i need to practice. now. if i'm having fun, i sure as hell better have already spent time in the practice room that day. enough already, a.jane. this is getting ridiculous.

mercifully, professor voiceteacher has decided that i should cut back on some of my other activities, including the "class" i'm taking with her. she even demanded that i forget about my honors project until after my applications are in, saying she'd straighten things out with dr. crazyhonorslady if the need arose. i love professor voiceteacher. more than she'll ever know.

luckily, the fact that it's thursday right now [a technicality] necessitates that tomorrow be friday, which means it's the weekend! i'm taking friday night off to go to roommate's family's party about an hour and a half from here, which means some quality car-time with a good friend of mine who happens to need a ride to the same place. funny how that works out, isn't it? and i am so looking forward to it.

enough now. german homework and my bed await me.

there's never any time!

"i don't have time to study! i 'll never get into Stanford! i'll let everyone down; i'm so confused!"
oh Jessie Spano... i'm sure you've seen this episode of saved by the bell. as silly as it sounds, i can definitely relate with Ms. Spano's dilemma. surely there are not enough hours in the day to study, practice, get enough sleep, and have some semblance of a social life. at this point, just to keep from double-booking myself is a feat in itself.

lately, i've been in overdrive. since the beginning of the semester, my body could sense crunch-time, and it gets confused. in my last post i talked about how my heart feels heavy sometimes--i think that must be stress-related too. i feel like i shouldn't have to try to squeeze in working 20 hours a week in the office, practicing as many hours, plus attending all my classes, ensembles, lessons, and trying to get into grad school into one short span of my life. i feel like i don't have enough time to complete things. how can it be healthy for me to be GO GO GO from 9am to 10pm? luckily i do schedule some fun things each week [dancing, meals with people i enjoy, the occasional trip to the coffee shop down the road, now blogging again], but i still always feel like i should probably be practicing or rewriting french questions or filling out the grad apps for which the deadline is rapidly approaching.

pardon the cliché, but life is moving at a thousand miles a minute. i'll go from undergrad to graduate school to artist's diploma [hopefully] to career [hopefully] and then it's full speed ahead from then on out. when is the sabbath? will i have time to experience other parts of life? will i have time to travel? read a good book? fall in love [big "if" attached]? have a family [far away in the future]?

"i'm so excited! i'm so excited! i'm so...scared!"