"nice" guys

i was just reading this post on craigslist. it's a great little piece about how if women would just open up their eyes and see the nice guys around them and appreciate them, there would be more nice guys in the world. essentially.

however, after reading, i have this to say:
some of us have a different problem. our affliction is being attracted to the good guy in the first place and being treated, in return, with only sisterly affection.

this is not to say, of course, that all male-female friendships have to blossom into something more than friendship. that in itself is a ridiculous idea, and some people are much better suited to be friends than lovers. i think people can in fact be quite good at emotional closeness without it leading to physical intimacy. however, sometimes it's not the girl who is being the idiot. sometimes the guy doesn't realize what a catch he's got in his life and lets her go on being the good friend when the two could be so well-suited for one another.

i would like to be so bold as to suggest that not all women are intrinsically attracted to the so-called "bad boy," but may, actually, value a good man.

so what gives, good guys? why are you wasting your time on women who don't appreciate your goodness? it seems that perhaps you are the perpetrators here. you are wasting precious time trying to win obviously brainless women who prefer to have their hearts broken than see past someone's outward flaws when there are genuine and beautiful women under your noses waiting to be swept off their feet.

any thoughts?

post script - grad school update #1

i nearly forgot! i'm sure you remember my whining about getting all my grad school applications in on time. i did get them all in, and i'm still deciding whether or not i feel like it's worth it to apply to boston u, but i applied to the following: cincinnati [reach], michigan, temple, osu, curtis [loooong shot], and eastman [reach].

i've heard back from cincinnati, who does not want me, and michigan, who has cordially invited me to come audition and interview. i was pretty disappointed about not even getting an audition at cincinnati, but, as adrienne pointed out, that must not be where God wants me to be. it would have been fun to live rent-free at my dad's in a new city, but i will just keep looking. michigan could be promising because i had a lesson with one of the voice teachers there and she said she hoped i'd consider going there and studying with her. ann arbor seems ridiculously busy as most college-centered cities are, but i suppose i could handle it, though i'd rather be in a city that exists without the prodding of the university.

i'll say no more about it because i don't want to jinx it.

life b.i.s. (before idiot stepdad)

do i even remember what life pre-patrick was like? vaguely.

tonight it was on my mind more than it usually is when i'm home as i laid on the couch, holding my mother's hand watching muppet family christmas [which, by the way, is only the best christmas movie ever!]. we talked and quoted fozzie bear and laughed and ate sushi. this is the way mothers and daughters should interact. i'm just sure of it.

it seems to me that since the addition to our "family" 3 years ago, she is more weary trying to make everyone fit together. it's like she's got two puzzles and she's trying to make them into one, lovely picture. i don't think it's working very well. on top of that aspect, i look around our house, and there are things that should have been repaired years ago. like, when they first broke. pre-patrick, my mother simply would have called someone to fix it, and that would have been that. but now there is a hole in our ceiling in the walkway to the living room from the kitchen that is covered over with a page from a magazine and some duct tape [i suppose it sounds worse than it is]. our dishwasher hasn't worked since he moved in, and he managed to convince my mother that we don't need to fix it/get a new one/just get rid of it [not that we're allergic to doing dishes here...but seriously]. we used to have real greens on our banister coming down the stairs at christmas [i'm allowed to want nostalgic things at christmas. and plastic greens are tacky]. i had to remind my family to get a decent christmas tree this year [as last year's specimen literally made me cry it was so ugly].

patrick is impractical and rarely sober. i feel like he has worn my poor mother out as she tries to love him as he is. which is a wreck. he tries to be some philosophical musician, but it is a facade. and he doesn't fool me.

eff you patrick. eff you. *edited 1/21*

tonight on his way home, driving his rover with a bac of apparently .2, he totaled his car, broke his collarbone and his left tibia or something, and is in the hospital at present. i am sure the appropriate response in this matter would be to have some kind of sympathy for him, and hope for him to get better as soon as possible, but i am just pissed off. i'm only going to be home for a week, which i'm sure now is going to be filled with taking care of this big baby instead of spending as much time with my mother as i can bear. selfish as it is, more than anything i'm mad that he is ruining christmas. ok, so i'm melodramatic.

but seriously, what will this mean for my mom now? as a framing contractor, he can't work when half his bones are snapped in half. ugh. i am disgusted with his lack of responsibility for his actions. driving home after drinking so much [or at all, really] is a ridiculous action for a 50-year old man [or anyone] to take. you have to be an idiot to be so wasted and think it's a good idea to drive home. i know exactly when i should not drive if i'm drinking. i would just think some people would have better sense.

sorry this is the worst, most disjunctive post ever. i suck at blogging.

thank God for friends who call at exactly the right moment about something completely random and end up entertaining me for 45 minutes to make me feel better.

i love nights like these

when i feel as though my world is a snowglobe. the powdered-sugar-snow falls ever so gently from the oddly lightened sky, all the lights from the city reflecting in the thick clouds.
i stop for a moment on my way home and let the snow quiet the hum of campus, turning the whirs into background noise for the silence on center stage. it is calmer than usual, but the crisp air does carry whooping voices farther than normal. it's physics.
as i peer into the night, i am filled up mostly with a calm, joyful peace--christmas is approaching and this snow is a grand decoration.
but there is also just a twinge of sadness.

something about perfect snow makes a girl wish for kisses.