i'll sleep when i'm dead

same goes for blogging at the moment.





after this week...i can breathe. and just wait.

being home makes me thoughtful

allow me to begin this post by letting everyone know that today i bought pants that were a size smaller than i have bought in 3 years. thank you dancing and never having time for a proper meal. and there was much rejoicing.

for some reason i always seem to do inordinate amounts of thinking while i'm at home. my first thought when i arrived in the q on wednesday afternoon was how i was already ready to leave again. the q is busier and more densely packed than last i remember, as it always is, and i must fight the urge to turn my car around and head back toward the turnpike. i got home and spent the evening with my mother and stepdad. they listened to my pre-screening cd, and stepdad insisted i let him call the music director at our church so i could sing sunday. whatever. mom and i watched the holiday, which is delightful, but...i don't know, but sometimes she just rubs me the wrong way. it always becomes very clear to me very quickly that i can never live here again. i can already foresee that christmas break is going to be a considerable hardship in some ways. i just don't live here anymore. things that i once found endearing now repel me.

on the upside, i do enjoy my mother's company most of the time, and it is nice to see her after months of being in the roc.

another thing that has recently come to my attention is that my very best friends here, "the beautifuls," and i have grown into completely different women with completely different lives. katy is off in dc working at an aids hospice and living in community. betsy is learning how to spend her day with seven-year-olds in central pa. melissa is practically engaged to her farmer-type boyfriend and is finishing a degree in literature of some sort near philadelphia. it's certainly not a bad thing that we are growing up, and differently, but...we are disjunctive now somehow.
melissa doesn't understand betsy's lifestyle choices (nothing crazy, but we are all old enough to drink now...), and katy seems distant (or maybe just tired?), as her life in dc is much richer than our night out in the q. even wife and i, who have had sympathetic growing pains for the past 3 years, are now on markedly different paths.

i love these girls, and thankfully, we can usually pick up where we left off, but there was something different in our meeting tonight. no longer are we high school friends whose friendship carried into college. now we are these independent, nearly adult women who were, in another life, inseparable.

i'll be back with more thoughts i'm sure.

my oh my

i've been so busy lately i can barely think, which makes blogging next to impossible.

things i like/appreciate right now:
opera
dressing up
feeling like i look nice
dancing
baking therapy
needing to buy new, smaller pants
sweet potato pie
the homestead and the peace i feel there
prayer
french
productive voice lessons
the light at the end of the tunnel

things i do not like/appreciate right now:
extraneous responsibilities
working every second
not sleeping enough
poor time-management skills
deadlines
the fact that i'm the only one here who seems to know how to clean a bathroom
feeling like i don't have enough time to possibly get everything done

it will soon lift. the good outweighs the bad, always. sempre. toujours.

goodnight.

it's go-time

it's only wednesday [oh, i guess now it's thursday technically], and it feels like it should already be the middle of next week this week is dragging so. december 1st is looming closer and closer, and grad school applications have started to make me cry on a regular basis. it became clear in the last few days that i have a little less than a month to: learn at least 3 new, huge pieces; perfect them and the other rep i've been working on; and record all this to send out to my prospective schools by december 1st. in addition to the actual application-filling-out, document-gathering, and essay-writing that accompanies a normal application process.

tonight i punched grad school in the face 1,000 times and learned 2 of the arias. now to memorize them. it also has recently occured to me that i need to start working my freaking butt off. it's go-time now. no more "later" or "i don't feel like it." i need to practice. now. if i'm having fun, i sure as hell better have already spent time in the practice room that day. enough already, a.jane. this is getting ridiculous.

mercifully, professor voiceteacher has decided that i should cut back on some of my other activities, including the "class" i'm taking with her. she even demanded that i forget about my honors project until after my applications are in, saying she'd straighten things out with dr. crazyhonorslady if the need arose. i love professor voiceteacher. more than she'll ever know.

luckily, the fact that it's thursday right now [a technicality] necessitates that tomorrow be friday, which means it's the weekend! i'm taking friday night off to go to roommate's family's party about an hour and a half from here, which means some quality car-time with a good friend of mine who happens to need a ride to the same place. funny how that works out, isn't it? and i am so looking forward to it.

enough now. german homework and my bed await me.