talk about a rollercoast

holy moly. the last few weeks [and the next few weeks] have been [will be] nuts. two weeks ago i had a big paper about alternative energy due. this week's big focus was finishing my honors project, which i successfully presented saturday morning! hooray! i did a comparative study on the Mignon lieder, which are songs inspired by some of Goethe's famous poetry. pretty interesting stuff, actually, and now all i have to do is write the big paper to accompany it, but i've already done most of my research.

this coming weekend is Hansel and Gretel, in which i play Hansel [it's a pants role]. incidentally, if you're in the rochester area this weekend, come on out! leave comments for info.

oy. this weekend was a blur. honors project yesterday morning [after 5 hours' sleep], market/bank run, bridal shower, quick nap, shower, voice lesson, orchestra concert, liquor store run for yummy wine, tim's band's show downtown, over to a friend's for chill time. today was a full day of chorale 'fun' after only 4 hours' sleep. mercifully we had a 2-hour bus ride each way that i used to its full sleeping potential. then i had rehearsal tonight, chatted a while with pea, and here i am. someone put my laundry in the drier for me; it was very nice of them.

on my heart's front, things are ok. i am remembering all the good things about being single [it's not like i was away from it for all that long]. Jesus and i had a really good chat last weekend when i was really upset it all. He reminded me that He wants to be where i thought chris should be--as that one, stable thing in my life. i do miss him though. sometimes it's frustrating because he is pretty sucky at being my friend, and he was all for being good friends and blah blah blah. sometimes i can't help just staring at him, which is probably not a good thing, but whatever. i don't know. i'm trying to let it go; i don't know why it's so hard.

i could probably write about 8 more pages about myself [because we all love talking about ourselves], but i really need to go to sleep. i haven't been sleeping nearly enough. goodnight!

lots on my heart right now

but i will have to update later. i'm sure i can be tempted into taking a break from my research later.

'oh Love that will not let me go'

Oh Love that will not let me go

I rest my weary soul in Thee

I give Thee back the life I owe

That in thine ocean depths its flow

May richer, fuller be

Oh Life that follow’st all my way

I yield my flick’ring torch to Thee

My heart restores its borrowed ray

That in thy sunshine’s blazes, day

May brighter fairer be

Oh Joy that seekest me through pain

I cannot close my heart to Thee

I trace the rainbow through the rain

And feel the promises not vain

That more shall tearless be

Oh Cross that liftest up my head

I dare not ask to fly from Thee

I lay in dusk, life’s glory dead

And from the ground their blossoms red,

Life that shall endless be

God, what is going on? i feel like every time i feel like i have something a little figured out, it goes away. grad school? oh, i thought i was going, and then going to have a career. oh next fall maybe? oh, ok. oh, boyfriend? yeah, isn't he great? oh wait. he doesn't know what the frick he wants. he can't handle a relationship right now.

like a petulant child, i want to kick my legs and throw a tantrum. does it get better?

broke up.

he broke up with me.
no, i don't want to talk about it.
yes, it hurts.