gush, gush, gush

ugh. i have sucked at posting lately. things have been busy. my eastman audition was friday, temple was supposed to be today but i canceled (postponed?) it. so now i have to get all my orchestration homework/reading done before tomorrow. it's not even 11 yet, so i think i'm ok.

lately my heart has been at a weird intersection. for one, i've been far too busy to really have time to think about being lonely. also, i've been feeling really supported by my God, which is an amazing feeling and helps the heart immensely. however, i am sometimes lonely. despite the intense love i feel daily from my friends, i miss feeling like i'm above-and-beyond-special to someone, you know? i miss little "just thinking of you"s and being snuggled. oh, how i could use a good cuddle!

overall, i promise, i am so happy with life. it is so rich and full of meaning and love. my friends are more amazing than i can ever remember imagining or wishing for, and these "brothers" i have gained are...well, i have no words. i feel like i'm always gushing about them, but seriously, how much luckier could a girl get?

also, i would like to say this: how freaking amazing is Jesus? um, freaking amazing. it is so amazing to me how much i've changed in the past 6 months even. at the beginning of the summer, i was miss wild-child, i'm-going-to-be-crazy-and-you-can't-stop-me, and now, i just feel so much more content with life and i feel like i don't need to be crazy. i don't know if this even makes sense, but i am really appreciating feeling like i can really trust in the Lord. that phrase always seemed kind of overused, but really, the Lord is stronger than i could ever want to be, and if He can't handle it, help me get through whatever, help me have patience, help me get into grad school, help me pay for grad school...if He can't, then who? it is in His hands.

my voice teacher always prays that doors He wants open will open so no one will be able to shut them, and that doors He wants closed will be closed so that no one could open them.
that is my prayer too.