just nice

one big lesson i have learned in the past 6 months is this [heed my words, girls!]:

sometimes nice guys are just nice.

yes, that's right, you heard it here first. sometimes, sometimes, nice guys are just nice. they aren't trying to win your affections, though perhaps your friendship. they are not trying to get into your pants, though they certainly weasel their way into your heart.

the reason i bring this up is this: two of my very close girl friends and i have been smacked in the face with this realization in the past few months. we have come in contact with men who, under most scrutiny, would seem to be hopelessly in love with us (which i assure you is not the case). i personally believe that women today are nearly starved from any kind of genuine interest and caring from men unless that man is perhaps trying to win her romantically. gentlemanly conduct has been relegated, for the most part, to only the most serious of romantic pursuits. as such, any kind gesture we get from a man, be it a door politely opened, dishes washed without nagging after a home-cooked meal, calling just to say "hi"...we get all flustered and start shopping for rings.

i'm not saying that these things are not good and genuine and kind. they are, and that's what gets our little knickers in a twist! fully expecting these gestures to be indicative of some growing flame, we are quickly swept away by visions of taffeta and picket fences.

and that, friends, is where we get into trouble. sometimes. nice. guys. are. just. nice.
sometimes they call you to say hello. sometimes they do your dishes when you didn't ask them to. sometimes they stay up talking to you until all hours of the night. sometimes they meet you for dinner. sometimes they pick you up instead of meeting you across campus. sometimes they pay for things. sometimes they drop you off but instead of leaving, they sit in the car and talk to you for 45 minutes. sometimes they read you poetry and make you tea. sometimes, this is just in their nature. sometimes it's just in their friend-dna to treat a girl like a lady. sometimes you shouldn't read so much into it.

it's ok, girls. i know, the last time a man treated you like this, he wanted something else, didn't he? he didn't actually care about your day or want to put his hands in soapy water. i understand that it's confusing when guys who are actually just friends treat you this way. and how do you differentiate? i suggest you chant this new mantra in your head during all interactions with your guy-friends, for one thing. if you come to expect [at least some level of] thoughtfulness and take it as normality, you will a) quickly realize which of your guy friends are even worth spending time with, b) value yourself more highly as you realize you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect on a regular basis [!], and c) be truly excited and even more appreciative when someone does take the time to truly woo you. do higher expectations of men perhaps mean more disappointment? possibly. i get the feeling that if someone is going to really grab my attention in that department, he's going to have to really work for it.

but i'm ok with that.