it feels like a screeching halt

today my voice teacher and i had a pretty extensive talk about my possibly taking a year off to study and work before jumping into grad school. we both agree that the extra time together working would probably help me to really be firm in my technique and have a better chance at really getting everything i can out of a grad program.

the idea first occurred to me saturday, before i had even heard back from michigan, and i was just swamped with work and practicing. i thought, 'what am i doing to myself? maybe i just need a rest from this.' and actually, lots of people in my field take a year off before doing their grad programs. i am ultra-young to be auditioning for these things (i.e. most of my competition is on average 3-5 years older than i am), and the extra year would be...more than beneficial. i could use a chance to get all polished. then next year i can do the whole freaking process again, but hopefully with better results and another year under my belt.

boyfriend is not sure it's a good idea. he's worried i'll get distracted, but it might actually be good for me to have nothing to focus on except singing. he says he'll support whatever decision i make. he's good like that.

additionally, but honestly unrelated to my actual reasons for perhaps wanting a hiatus, are all the friends i have here (both in the city and at school). i have really clicked with some of the underclassmen, including both (obviously) boyfriend and one girl who was apparently the missing pea to my pod this whole time. she's great. and so is boyfriend. but these people would really just be icing on the cake of staying here and focusing.

oh life, even when you are crazy and confusing, you are just beautiful.