pride/entitlement

i may or may not be listening to just a little christmas music right now. amy grant, home for christmas. it's my favorite; don't judge me.

friday night was very-important-competition night. after fighting off illness and actually singing pretty well despite it, i...didn't win. which, i'm not going to lie, did not make me the world's happiest mezzo-soprano. there were, of course, tears [i "deserved" to win!].

then bam:
saturday chorale rehearsal. what is the devotion? pride. ouch.
sunday morning sermon. the parable of the pharisee and the tax collector praying in the synagogue (see luke 18:9-14). what is the sermon topic? pride. double ouch.

ok God, i get it! i'm prideful! but it's sort of been setting in this weekend that pride is something that i really need help with. as far as music goes, i've gotten quite used to being the proverbial "big fish in a small pond." i generally get solos, roles, etc. that i want/feel like i deserve. it's the beauty of being semi-talented in a small department. however, this is not how the rest of the business will work. i will no longer be the star child, starring in opera after opera to rave reviews.

after the sermon this morning [to refocus back on my original point and not *shock* on me...], i couldn't help but ponder the role of the feeling of "entitlement" in america. i read an article once somewhere that said that one of the main reason girls my age [and younger] are so mean and awful is because they've been raised to think they're entitled to having some fantastic life, and when someone gets in their way, watch out! the claws come out. we all feel that way, i think. i felt like i was entitled to win that contest. people feel like they're entitled to big, gas-guzzling cars, high paychecks, 3 meals a day, christmas presents, etc. don't get me wrong, i'm not saying these are intrinsically bad things, i'm just saying that we have grown up in a society that makes us feel like we deserve them--the american dream.

what does this mean for us as christians then? if we are entitled to these earthly things, then what? we were not entitled to the Son of God stepping down to take our sins on His back and dying for us. that was grace, fortunately. we could never, ever be good enough or impressive enough to be entitled to such mercy.

i feel like this is turning into a rant. i don't mean it to be so, but it is certainly something that's been on my mind lately. basically my point is that i wasn't entitled to win that contest, and i'm not entitled to get into grad school.

but here's hoping.

in other news, i have the most wonderful housemates, and we spent the evening carving pumpkins [which apparently irritates my skin], baking the seeds, and making cute little autumnal chocolates. i needed that. today was just lovely, actually. i have somehow ended up with the best friends a girl could ask for.