real scary

sometimes i just want everyone to go away. i wonder how i managed to make the friends that i've made, especially at school. i wish i could just be with my ladies here all the time. they're the ones i trust forever and always amen. don't get me wrong, i have some great friends at school but sometimes i just wonder how i fit in with them. i feel truly comfortable when i hang out with my new friends this semester. the ride to buffalo and back was blissful. nyc this february would be probably the most wonderful ever.

which brings me to my next point. my darling mother needs to butt out. i don't mean that in a final sort of way. i love her so much. i love to be around her, i love to hug her, and make her dance with me in the kitchen, but i'm just at this point in my life where i need to be allowed to do things. i need to be able to go on road trips with my friends and make mistakes and do things i shouldn't. hello mother dear, i'm in college now. remember what it was like when you were in college?

that's what i thought. i'm not a little girl anymore. i feel like i have to prove that a lot. sometimes i am childlike, but not childish. i'm growing out of backpacks into tote bags, out of toys into tool boxes, out of being a little girl, into...what? i choose not to overanalyze here because...honestly i am terrified of what lies ahead. what will i end up doing? will i really get to fall in love someday? will i have the family i've always dreamed of? it's just a bunch of i don't knows, and that's scary. real scary.