exploring other blogging avenues.

including pencil and paper.

check back another time.

another update-y post

sorry kids. someday i will explore my feelings on world hunger or the media's treatment of women in our culture, but to be honest i usually blog about issues elsewhere.

anyway.
jobs: macaroni grill + philharmonic orchestra box office lackey. pretty awesome.
the part that i don't like is that i basically have no life. i get maybe one night off per week, simply because i'm working days at the office and nights at the mac shack. as one of my good friends put it, "you were much more fun when you were around." on the other hand, i'm glad not to have too much free time, as that is dangerous for me.
but luckily, between the two jobs, i should be making enough money to pay rent and start paying back my loans, which is a good thing. i even have health insurance. it's a beautiful world.
what else is going on with me? uh, nothing. just working, and sometimes running or playing tennis with roomie if we're both home at the same time.
oh yeah! we got an apartment. it will be awesome. so excited.

all is well.

oh yeah, i'm reading "velvet elvis" by rob bell. i highly recommend it.

the skinny

it's been a crazy few weeks. this is going to be one of those update-y posts. sorry.

job: i got a job serving at the macaroni grill, which i'm sure will be interesting and i'm hoping makes ends meet. we'll see. at least i know people there.
my schedule has been crazy between trying to work both jobs (i've also been filling in the office while the boss is away), getting to opera rehearsals, and trying to have some semblance of a social life, which i am perhaps spending too much time on.
apartment: good for the summer. i am moving into the city with a male friend of mine come september, and i can't wait. hopefully we can find something non-sketchy and non-ridiculously priced. here's hoping.

i'm too tired to write any more.

oh man oh man oh man

1.5 weeks left of my being an undergraduate student. weird.

things on my mind at the moment:
where am i going to work this summer/upcoming year?
how will i be able to pay my bills?
what am i going to sleep on?
will i ever get out of north chili?
when am i going to write my dumb honors paper?
what will dr. berry do if i never write my logs for senior sem?
what am i going to do with myself?
AHHHHHHH.

oddly enough, although some part of me is most certainly freaking out right now, i feel pretty calm about the whole thing. i really feel like God wants me here, so He won't let me starve. right?

i'm doing it!!

i am taking the year off. i feel...relieved. and only a little like a slacker. but mostly peaceful and less worried that life is going to be crazier than it needs to be. i feel like this is what i need to be doing, and here is where i need to be, so i am trusting that the Lord will provide a way for me to stay. the job-scene is a little scary, to be honest, but i'm sure i'll be fine. i think i should be more worried.

i'm sorry that my blog is "here's what's going on in my life" time. this seems to be the way i keep up with some people, so i guess that's why it's mostly updates. perhaps sometime i will post my ridiculous opinions about some issue or other, but for now i think it's going to stay this way. i don't have extra brain-power for opinions.

which [so clearly and logically] brings me to my next thought: free time. WHOA. crazy concept. i seem to have some of this now? today....i took a nap. yes, you read that right. i slept for two whole hours. during the day. and i had a crazy dream where i took my station wagon over jumps and turned into judy garland.

closing thought: i hate post-break-up awkwardness. it is completely unnecessary, and it makes me sad. i guess that's what i get.

being in an opera is my favorite

we had our first hansel and gretel tonight, and it was so much fun!!! i loved every moment of being on stage, and i felt like i sang well. i can't believe we only have one more performance, and i just feel so blessed to be a part of this artform.

also, being hansel rocks. i ate almost an entire pint of strawberries on stage tonight, sometimes stuffing them in 3 at a time. awesome.

incidentally, campfires also rock. the boys built a firepit in the backyard, and last night and tonight i was blessed with friendship and smores. there is nothing quite like spending a few hours around a fire just talking, singing, playing guitar, eating, drinking, and just being together.

praise the Lord for all His blessings.

hmmm

i'm again considering taking the year off.
i think sometimes it's ok to be scared and just wait. and wait not only because you're scared, but because there is more to be done before you move on.

in other news, i LOVE opera! i got my lederhosen fitted today...and i look fantastic.

talk about a rollercoast

holy moly. the last few weeks [and the next few weeks] have been [will be] nuts. two weeks ago i had a big paper about alternative energy due. this week's big focus was finishing my honors project, which i successfully presented saturday morning! hooray! i did a comparative study on the Mignon lieder, which are songs inspired by some of Goethe's famous poetry. pretty interesting stuff, actually, and now all i have to do is write the big paper to accompany it, but i've already done most of my research.

this coming weekend is Hansel and Gretel, in which i play Hansel [it's a pants role]. incidentally, if you're in the rochester area this weekend, come on out! leave comments for info.

oy. this weekend was a blur. honors project yesterday morning [after 5 hours' sleep], market/bank run, bridal shower, quick nap, shower, voice lesson, orchestra concert, liquor store run for yummy wine, tim's band's show downtown, over to a friend's for chill time. today was a full day of chorale 'fun' after only 4 hours' sleep. mercifully we had a 2-hour bus ride each way that i used to its full sleeping potential. then i had rehearsal tonight, chatted a while with pea, and here i am. someone put my laundry in the drier for me; it was very nice of them.

on my heart's front, things are ok. i am remembering all the good things about being single [it's not like i was away from it for all that long]. Jesus and i had a really good chat last weekend when i was really upset it all. He reminded me that He wants to be where i thought chris should be--as that one, stable thing in my life. i do miss him though. sometimes it's frustrating because he is pretty sucky at being my friend, and he was all for being good friends and blah blah blah. sometimes i can't help just staring at him, which is probably not a good thing, but whatever. i don't know. i'm trying to let it go; i don't know why it's so hard.

i could probably write about 8 more pages about myself [because we all love talking about ourselves], but i really need to go to sleep. i haven't been sleeping nearly enough. goodnight!

lots on my heart right now

but i will have to update later. i'm sure i can be tempted into taking a break from my research later.

'oh Love that will not let me go'

Oh Love that will not let me go

I rest my weary soul in Thee

I give Thee back the life I owe

That in thine ocean depths its flow

May richer, fuller be

Oh Life that follow’st all my way

I yield my flick’ring torch to Thee

My heart restores its borrowed ray

That in thy sunshine’s blazes, day

May brighter fairer be

Oh Joy that seekest me through pain

I cannot close my heart to Thee

I trace the rainbow through the rain

And feel the promises not vain

That more shall tearless be

Oh Cross that liftest up my head

I dare not ask to fly from Thee

I lay in dusk, life’s glory dead

And from the ground their blossoms red,

Life that shall endless be

God, what is going on? i feel like every time i feel like i have something a little figured out, it goes away. grad school? oh, i thought i was going, and then going to have a career. oh next fall maybe? oh, ok. oh, boyfriend? yeah, isn't he great? oh wait. he doesn't know what the frick he wants. he can't handle a relationship right now.

like a petulant child, i want to kick my legs and throw a tantrum. does it get better?

broke up.

he broke up with me.
no, i don't want to talk about it.
yes, it hurts.

alright!

today is my recital. it's all i can think about. i bought a pink table cloth and pink napkins and little plates and i'm having punch. my dress is pink. i'm going to sing with my very soul.

i am so excited i can barely keep it in. and it's not for almost 5 more hours!
i can't wait to sing. i can't wait for pink punch. i can't wait for hugs and flowers.

i hope i don't mess up my words.

i love love LOVE schumann. and hahn. and mozart. and barber. i'm so glad this career chose me, because this kind of singing, this kind of soul-bearing is exactly my cup of tea.
the only downside of tonight is that all the important men in my life are missing it (except my grandpa). my dad, my brother, my faux-bros, and my boyfriend are all MIA. oh well though, they can watch the video if they really feel the need. however, said men are hopefully all going to make it to my opera, and boyfriend and i have a date this sunday night, about which i am terribly excited.

now i must go, because there are cookies to think about and fingernails to paint. i might even lie down for a half hour. hooray!

life is exciting, can't you tell? [you're welcome for the update.]

the beautifuls

i saw two of my favorite girls tonight, and met katy's new love. he seems really wonderful.

it was truly delightful to see them. we are each growing into our new, adult selves, and fitting back with each other again. it's wonderful. i love hearing about their lives. they are so different from mine, but each fascinating and rich. i just love them.
tomorrow i get to spend more time with betsy, have breakfast with her and melissa, and then see katy again at a surprise party for her parents. katy and i have been getting much better at keeping in contact with each other, and it is adding so much to my life.
being home is interesting as always. honestly, if it weren't for these girls, i would hardly want to be here at all.

despite all the craziness that's going on, and all the stress in life, and all the unknowns, there are so many beautiful, beautiful things in life. i am overcome.

it feels like a screeching halt

today my voice teacher and i had a pretty extensive talk about my possibly taking a year off to study and work before jumping into grad school. we both agree that the extra time together working would probably help me to really be firm in my technique and have a better chance at really getting everything i can out of a grad program.

the idea first occurred to me saturday, before i had even heard back from michigan, and i was just swamped with work and practicing. i thought, 'what am i doing to myself? maybe i just need a rest from this.' and actually, lots of people in my field take a year off before doing their grad programs. i am ultra-young to be auditioning for these things (i.e. most of my competition is on average 3-5 years older than i am), and the extra year would be...more than beneficial. i could use a chance to get all polished. then next year i can do the whole freaking process again, but hopefully with better results and another year under my belt.

boyfriend is not sure it's a good idea. he's worried i'll get distracted, but it might actually be good for me to have nothing to focus on except singing. he says he'll support whatever decision i make. he's good like that.

additionally, but honestly unrelated to my actual reasons for perhaps wanting a hiatus, are all the friends i have here (both in the city and at school). i have really clicked with some of the underclassmen, including both (obviously) boyfriend and one girl who was apparently the missing pea to my pod this whole time. she's great. and so is boyfriend. but these people would really just be icing on the cake of staying here and focusing.

oh life, even when you are crazy and confusing, you are just beautiful.

whoa. life.

i've still not heard anything back from most of the schools i'm waiting on.

however, i did, last night, start dating a really nice boy at school. he makes me laugh and smile. he likes to look at stars with me and hold my hand. i like him a lot. today we each played one hand of a piano nocturne. it was very dorky of us and i liked it.

now i think it's bedtime. i should really be sleeping more.

grad school update #4

i got my first acceptance letter today from the ohio state university! right now it's not my first choice, but it is encouraging to know that i will be going somewhere next fall! hooray!

also, i have somewhere to live for the summer. and it's with people i like. and. it's cheap.

sledding!!!

omgosh. i have been sledding plenty of times, but tonight was by far the best. if you are in or around Rochester, i highly recommend Cobb’s Hill Park to you as an excellent sledding venue.

the best part was the following: someone had built a jump previously today, and, after much coaxing, i finally agreed to try to make it over the jump. i did, and flew what was an apparently impressive distance above the snow before realizing i would fall, and need to not do so on my face. i landed amicably on my shoulder.

the second run of the jump went like this: ‘anna, go down the jump again!’ ‘no, that hurts me. i don’t need to get broken!’ ‘please! but it would bring us so much enjoyment!’ [i’m not even making this up.] then salim lied down behind the jump, so i could fly over him evel kneivel style. i climbed back on my sled, soared down toward the jump, and, so worried that i would mess it up and completely squish poor salim, forgot to land properly, which knocked the wind quite out of me.

but it was freaking awesome.

[in the interest of not feeling like i plagiarized myself, i should say i also posted this in my tumblr.]

solos grow like trees

tonight we went to the cincinnati symphony where they performed 'life and death' (strauss), 'on the transmigration of souls' (john adams), and 'the dharma at big sur' (adams) with *drum roll please* john adams conducting! the strauss was beautiful, and adams was full of life leading the orchestra. the second piece, 'on the transmigration of souls,' was simply stunning. it was my favorite of the three. it was deep and meaningful without being too much, and featured the may festival choir, children's chorus, and pre-recorded city sounds/voices in addition to the orchestra. it was sometimes disjointed (as i'm sure was adams' intention), and the voices over the loudspeaker with sounds, names of those missing from 9/11, and quotes from the same event added a poignant and sometimes unsettling note to the music. the last piece, 'the dharma at big sur,' was a piece for orchestra and electric violin. the whole piece had a feeling of improvisation, which was fascinating. the solo line rose over the orchestra and practically grew like a sapling out of the featured violinist, who was dressed in a vibrant orange dress. it was wonderful.

juno

first of all, if you haven't seen that movie, go see it. i really enjoyed it.

second of all, one quote from that movie has stuck out in my mind has stuck out in my mind and i keep thinking about it:

In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your [rear]. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

[mac macguff, juno]

i keep thinking about this quote because this is what i want. someone to love me all the time, no matter what, and it is important that i don't settle or wish for things i can't have. because sometimes if you want something you shouldn't have, you don't realize there are probably better things waiting. and i want the better things.

also, i changed the swearword in there to 'rear' since i gave up swearing for lent and 'rear' is a funny word.

i want the better things.